Post 2: Confession

So I was sitting in the confessional one evening during lent. During lent I had made confession a regular thing this year. I wasn’t planning anything deep or dramatic, as I just had gone to confession like two weeks earlier with some HEAVY things from my addiction. I just felt like it was time to get honest about yelling at the kids & feeling kinda spiritually off b/c of that… I’ve had this huge shift in my faith over the last year, & honestly, I was just trying to stay accountable in the small things. When you can stay accountable you become aware of your actions when you’re in them and do better next time.

I told the priest I hadn’t been treating people how Jesus would.. particularly my kids and Jon, that I was irritable & essentially getting triggered. Just… real mom life stuff, and that’s all it was supposed to be… I expected to leave with some prayers prior, and peeace as I exited… lol

God had other plans b/c I don’t even know where it came from and it set this whole week in motion.. I remember thinking after CRAPPPP HOW AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO JON.

I blurted out, something like the just of……“I’ve been having sex outside of marriage. And I have four kids out of wedlock as result with zero regrets.” B/c I don’t.. I don’t have regrets for the way God has unfolded in my life. Every action and moment has lead to this deep relationship with him now and here.

I swear I think the priest knew who I on the other side, bc he paused & said, “What do you mean by that?” I think but didn’t ask… he thought I was saying I was cheating on Jon.. hahah.. or that’s my assumption anyway!! Which would have been a different confession.. b/c it would have been cheating. I think everyone at school thinks we are married, even though I’ve never said that.. I don’t wear a ring or claim my childrens’ last name.

But God opened a floodgate in that moment…. That’s lead us to hear, gratefully.

& what happened next set us up on a whole new path.

More tomorrow.